We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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