I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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