my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
