please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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