Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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