fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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