Need sex. Gaining weight.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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