Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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