I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
