when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize