checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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