Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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