yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
