Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
