Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
