I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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