the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
