My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
