when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
