what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
