I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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