Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
