I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
