If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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