I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize