LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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