i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I stole a fireplace last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
