were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
