ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
