His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
