weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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