i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
