she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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