Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
