My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
