yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
