i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize