Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
