No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
