Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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