i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
