I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
