I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
