Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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