508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
