Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
