So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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