i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
