He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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