Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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