i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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