I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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