But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
