i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
