No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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