i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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