he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
