some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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