batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize