I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
