Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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