I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
false alarm, still single
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
