I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
