New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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