i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
