just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
