I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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