Ambien. No doubt about it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
