so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
